Medicine show's a-comin'!

Cure-all

A magical elixir that's good for what ails ya.

Side effects

Constipation, skin rash, dermatitis, diarrhea, dizziness, drowsiness, dry mouth, bulbous sores about the neck, headache, insomnia, nausea, suicidal thoughts, abnormal heart rhythms, obsessive day drinking, internal bleeding, brain damage, did I say brain damage? pleurisy, stuttering mouth, the desire to murder your neighbor, dandruff, nose bleed, toe fungus, soldier's disease, brain cloud, thrush, viper's dance, dropsy, vomiting, migraine, insane cackling, and death.